Dream #18, starring my best friend from high school.

I was attending a class



that was mandatory for my degree; Drawing for Architecture.



Why? You tell me.




One of my classmates was Jenny,



my best friend from high school with whom I managed to have two ugly breakups.



I had missed the first class, but apparently, the whole thing was only two sessions.



The one session I did attend, I spent the whole time bullshitting with Jenny.



I did no homework and did not pay attention and was getting an F.




Jenny came to see me at the restaurant where I was chef. (That's totally me.)



I gotta stop reading The Tony before bed.



I told her that I would be right with her, as soon as I wrapped up with my sous-chef,



but instead, I flaked on her to try to complete my homework.




My first assignment was passing some sort of haunted house thing



that featured Jafar.



My second assignment was taking sexy pictures of myself wearing some kind of slutty red dress.



My third assignment had to do with a clandestine tea club



that met on the same floor as my classroom.




Then it was time for graduation,



and I was back my high school’s foyer. (That's basically what it looked like.)



The one former classmate I managed to recognize was hilariously skulleted,



albeit not as hilariously as my arch-nemesis, Skulletor.



Jenny was mad at me for bringing down her grade and flaking on her



and I’m pretty sure I told her to fuck herself.

Dream #17, starring my cats.

Julius (close enough)

and I had established some sort of link

and he was suddenly able to communicate with me.

Or maybe with everyone. (Not actually a Julius.)

I taught him how to identify colors,

and he became a color-telling machine. (That's Clever Hans, for you uneducated boobs. Look it up!)

I tried to get Adolph (namesake!)

to do the same, but he couldn’t be bothered.

I invited Julius out with me to get ice cream

and he agreed, so long as he didn’t have to wear his leash.

He said it chafed his neck.

We went out and suddenly I was talking to Hep (!?)

at her job. She was the only American and the only woman

in a company full of British men

with devastatingly panty-soaking accents.

I plotted and connived to steal her job from her,

but decided at the last minute that these ponces

were not worth a commute to Cupertino.

Then there was something about my grandmother being blind,

which she is.


Good morning.

Dream #16, starring Anthony Bourdain.

My brother (not actual circuitry)



and I (close enough)



were attending a party at The Tony's.




How you fuckin' doin'?



Rawr.



Etc.




The Tony was running the show but not actually cooking, but the food was unreal.




Who was cooking was the temp



who was holding down my job before they hired me. He is actually a chef



so it makes dreamsense that he was cooking at this party, but why he was in my dream in the first place, I can't understand.




My brother (I forget what he really looks like)



was having a great time



and we ended up staying the night at The Tony's lovely house.




In the morning, the temp



made giant paninis



full of fresh mozzarella, proscuitto



and avocados.




Despite not liking avocados in real life,



my brother wanted these sandwiches real bad. (Er, you know.)




Just then, my parents came to pick him up.



He was pissed, but went anyway.



I should mention that my parents do this all the time, even though he is an adult.



Someday, he will learn not to get rides from them and to drive himself.




I lit up a grudge cigarette in front of my parents who do not know that I smoke



and my brother panicked. I assured him that since I was using a cigarette holder



it wouldn't count. It worked.